Homosexuality – now I’m angry

I am truly sick and tired of trying to explain to ignorant people that homosexuality is not a choice. I am having a sort of debate in a forum that I belong to. However, I have said that I am dropping out of the debate. I only made three or four posts just to let the men know that homosexuality is not a choice. But these men refuse to believe that. They believe it is a choice. My point is this, why would a man choose to be gay? Why would a man choose to grow up in school being called gay, fag, homo being picked on and target of fights. Being the last person to be chosen to play on a team. Why would a man choose to be hated by the world? Why would a man choose to be hated by his church? Why would a man choose to be hated by his family? Why would a man choose to be an abomination before God? That is all just ludicrous and the most ignorant thing I have ever heard in my life. As the saying goes, I chose to be gay the day you chose to be straight. I did not choose to be gay, I just am. I have prayed every single day for my entire life since I realized I was gay as a teenager for God to change me. I did not want to be gay. I have attempted suicide many, many times because I hate myself for being gay. I wanted to get married. I wanted nine children. Why would I chose to give up such a dream and chose to be gay? And if I did, why didn’t I live in the gay lifestyle my entire life? I only spent several years involved in the act of homosexuality. All the other years I was celibate. I chose to be celibate because I believed being gay was a sin, that it was wrong. Here I am gay and I gave up all this stuff because I made a choice to be gay? I think not. I have lived my life in denial to being gay. I hated that side of myself. I hated it. There is no way anyone is going to tell me I chose this. I did not. I spent a good 12 years in ex-gay ministry. I spent at least three years in one on one counseling with Christian Psychiatrists who promised me if I followed what they told me I would be straight and married within the year. It never happened. I never changed. I am just as gay as I was the day I realized I was gay. I went through the Exodus program, I went through Homosexuals Anonymous I have spent years and years in support groups and working through issues and none of it worked. The church is just so ignorant on this topic and it infuriates me, it totally infuriates me. Why in my right mind would I choose a way of life that I hate? That just makes no sense at all. Why would I pray all those many years? Why would I go through all those many years of therapy if I wanted to be gay? That is ludicrous. And this idea that it is caused by sexual abuse and/or overly powerful mothers or absent fathers is also ludicrous. Look how many families there are out there today without a father figure around. Look at how many families that have no father so the mother is the dominate figure in the family. How come we do not have all these gay people because of this? Where are they? How come most of these young men and women grow up to be healthy and whole heterosexuals? Why didn’t they chose to be gay when they were raised the same way the church claims gay men were raised? I know gay men that have come from very stable, loving homes. That is just not the reason a man becomes gay. It is not a choice. Period. Why would God give me a vision? Why did God give me that vision and tell me that I am more precious to Him than a piece of pure gold? If God didn’t love me I certainly would not have had that vision. And that vision was real and God verified it to me. I am a firm believer in God. I am very religious, I am very strong in the faith, I read my bible almost every single day. I know the Bible better than your average Christian does and yet they’re going to tell me I chose this? No, I won’t sit back and take it any longer. It is not a choice. I did not chose to be gay. That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard.