Rambling

29 June 2008

Well, I haven’t really written a blog in quite a while. I have been posting other stuff that I think is quite important to me. But the truth is I’ve been coming up blank. I can’t think of anything to write about. I have been fighting depression seriously again and with the depression it makes me so tired. I just can’t seem to get enough sleep these days. Yet when I’m in bed I toss and turn and am up most of the night. I have and take sleeping pills which help but then I feel groggy the whole next day. You’re supposed to take one sleeping pill and if it doesn’t work I can take a second. But when I only take one it only gives me 2-4 hours worth of sleep so I automatically take two. I generally get between 4-6 hours of sleep when I take two sleeping pills. But as I said I don’t like it because I feel groggy and tired the whole next day.

I really don’t know what to write about so if anybody has any suggestions or requests please feel free to suggest it in a comment and I’ll see if I can’t come up with something for that topic.

I think the last blog I actually wrote was for father’s day since then I have been posting old blogs and articles and things I find on the internet. I realize it’s my blog and I can do that but I would really like to develop a good enough following because I love watching the stats. It’s really fun. Speaking of stats I finally have over 1000 hits to my blogs which is an amazing feat to me. I never thought that many people would read my blogs but I guess I do have somewhat of an audience. So thanks guys. Sorry to disappoint you with such boring stuff these past few weeks. But it’s the way it goes for me. It’s either feast or famine.

I am currently reading a book on Mid Life Crisis and it’s ok but it’s not what I expected. And it’s taking me longer to read because I’m having trouble reading it. I just had my eyes checked a few months ago and I got a new pair of eye glasses. But they didn’t make them right and I cannot read through the bi-focal part. I see cross-eyed so I have to close one eye so I don’t get much read at one sitting. I really should have brought them back right away but I didn’t and now I feel like it’s too late. They’re going to wonder what I waited so long for. I’m like that, I procrastinate when it comes to things like that. I suppose I could come up with some sort of excuse but they’d see right threw that and know the bottom line is I was just too lazy to bring them in. But I wasn’t satisfied with my last eye exam anyway so I think I just may make an appointment for another eye exam with a new doctor and then just go back to the place I usually get my glasses. I like to go to that 60 minute place. I have never had a problem with them. I tried a different place this time. I was told that I pay extra at the 60 minute place but I don’t find that I saved any money by going to a different place. My eye glasses are expensive no matter where I go. I’m also sorry I didn’t get myself a pair of prescription sunglasses this time.

Anyway, as you can tell I’m just rambling so I can say I actually wrote something. I am hoping to break this writers block so I can write a good blog again. I think that some of my blogs are pretty good while most of them suck every now and then I come up with a good one. And I can tell because you all give me a lot more hits on those blogs. Although I found the one on Masturbation Statistics sure got a lot of hits. It’s funny because of the topic that so many people would be interested to read about it. I did not participate in that questionnaire as I wasn’t aware of it. But I have since read the questions and it really was a good survey so I believe those stats are pretty accurate. I don’t think folks had any reason to lie as it was done anonymously and the questions were put very well. It wasn’t some silly survey that you find on the internet games areas. It was a serious survey and so I think the results were because folks were really being honest. Anyway, it’s fun to watch my stats on my blog to see what you folks like and what you don’t like.

I noticed hardly anybody was interested in my article I copied from CNN about Darfur’s women and children being raped and I found that to be sad. It is such a tragedy that there is genocide and ethnic cleansing still happening in this day and age but it still is. And that the rest of the world is sitting back and doing nothing for our brothers and sisters over there in Darfur Sudan. If it was happening in the US or a place that had something to offer us you can bet your bottom dollar we wouldn’t stand by and allow it to happen. And it just proves to me that the priority of today is not human life but the all mighty dollar. This is so sad. According to that article rape is a way of life for every woman and child in the camps over there. They are leaving babies to die because they do not want them. They don’t fight the rape anymore because they know it’s inevitable and that is just so sad to me. I have really stepped up my efforts for activism on Darfur. I have a SaveDarfur avatar that I use on all the bulletin boards I belong to. I have it as a permanent signature on my email. I am trying so hard to make people aware of what is going on and it sure is frustrating because it seems to me nobody really cares. I can’t help and wonder what God thinks about the way the world is handling this situation. He must be sickened to see that nobody is helping those folks out. Sure the US and the UN have declared genocide and have promised to help but they have done nothing. Nothing at all. And it is up to us, the people of the world to do something about it. That’s why it’s so important to me. Because every letter that is sent to the Prez and to the UN General Secretary is a voice that says to do something and if enough folks put pressure on these entities then something will happen. But of course right now the big focus in the US is the presidential campaign and the price of gasoline. We have it so good here. WE just do not realize it. We are such a selfish people it’s all about “me” and the “almighty dollar”. To hell with the rest of the world. I read somewhere that was a letter to the US people and it said something to the effect that American’s need to wake up and realize there’s more to the world beyond the US borders and this is so true. American’s can’t think beyond our own borders sometimes. We think the whole world is just like us.

I learned differently back in early 1990’s because I went to Russia as soon as the Iron Curtain fell. I saw what a third world country lives like. It is nothing like we have here in the States. It was so sad I cried for weeks after I got home. I think every single American should be required to go on a trip to some foreign country just to see how good we have it here and to see the blessings God has bestowed upon us. And the scary part is the Bible says to him who much is given, much is required. And we have a lot to be accountable for.

At any rate, my big activist cause right now is to SaveDarfur and I do not know why it is so near and dear to my heart but it is. I just cannot imagine this is going on in this day and age. I remember Rwanda back in the 80’s and I just can’t bear to see the same thing repeated. We didn’t step in until it was all over with. Are we going to do the same thing here? And then after all the people have been murdered are we going to prosecute a few of the important guys for war crimes when it’s too late? It sickens me. I can’t help but wonder if it is because they have nothing to offer us, they have no oil for us to fight for so why bother and also because they are black folks does that play a role in it too. I hope not but yet I cannot help but think that way. If it was another country a white European country would we sit back and watch? I doubt it. Even if they had nothing to offer us. Don’t let anybody kid you racism is still in the veins of many, many American’s. Both black and white are guilty of racism and I just don’t understand it. Why can’t we all get along. We all bleed red blood. Christ died for us all He didn’t just die for one race or the other but the world.

Well, I guess I found something passionate to write about after all. So that’s good. At least I have something to post today. I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to say and this would be a short blog. But I see as usual I got carried away with a topic. Believe it or not this is the way I am in real life. I can be talking about something with somebody and all of a sudden I go way off on a tangent and nobody knows what the heck I am talking about. I do it without warning. I just start going off in my own direction. Sometimes I make sense, sometimes I don’t. But it is always triggered by something that was said. Funny isn’t it. I have the gift to gab and I guess I can sometimes carry that forward into my writing. But then that’s my problem with writing because I then tend to write like I talk and that isn’t very well for folks reading what I wrote because it doesn’t make sense and you’re not allowed to interrupt me and ask me what the hell am I talking about. LOL.

Anyway, I guess I will end the blog there. I feel better for getting it all off my chest. Now I hope I will be able to write another blog in the near future. Something new and fresh. Something I’m passionate about. I can get very passionate about a given topic it’s just a matter of finding that topic that gives me writers block I guess.

So, for now…

An Open Letter to Dr. Laura

I got this from a website I belong to and thought it was written so well that I decided to post it as a blog. I hope folks really do read my blog. I am going to post it on my other blogs as well. Please feel free to copy and distribute it as you see fit.

As you know, Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and as an observant Orthodox Jew, she cannot condone it under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.

quote:

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Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

2. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

3. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

6. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

My Coming Out Letter

22 June 2008

Back on 2 December 2007 I finally decided it was time to come out to my family. I posted my letter on my other blog I had at the time. I thought now was an appropriate time to post this letter here on this blog. There are a couple of old blogs that I think I might bring over here to WordPress and post them because they help set the stage to where I am coming from. So I hope that you understand that I was very nervous at the time I wrote this letter. But it was something I had to do. I see a Psychiatrist on a regular basis and I have denied being gay my entire life. It was our decision that I should come out to family and close friends to help me accept the fact that I am gay. It is by telling other’s that I then cannot deny the truth to myself. The only regret I have is that I waited so long. I wish I had done it many years ago.

I honestly do not know why I feel compelled to post it now but I do. Maybe there is somebody out there struggling with this issue. Or God has some other, unknown to me, reason for having me share this letter with you. But this is the exact letter that I wrote to my family and a few friends. Like I said, there were a couple of follow up letters that I wrote and I ended up posting on my blog also so I may post them here as well. But December wasn’t really all that long ago. I must say the reactions have been very positive. I have not run into any trouble except from one friend. Which when you take into account all the trouble that a lot of people have I am very fortunate and I cannot complain about the reactions that I received. Some of it was hard at the time but none of it was unbearable or downright nasty. Nothing like that, just that some people asked me to give them time to digest it. While most seemed to already know it did come as a surprise to a few folks. So here goes, I will now post my Coming Out Letter. I hope that it helps somebody else. And Please make comments and ask questions. I am willing to respond to comments this time. I know I don’t generally respond to comments but that’s because I do not want to make this blog into a dialogue, I post comments and leave it at that. I think I’ve only responded to one post so far. But then, not too many of you post comments. I see by the stats that I am picking up some readers but you’re all silent readers and I wish I would get more comments. But anyway, here’s the letter I wrote my family:

2 December 2007

This is probably going to be the hardest paper I have ever written. But I am now 46 years old and I must do this. I believe that out of everybody that knows me I am the only one who does not acknowledge the fact that I am a homosexual.

Firstly, let me assure you that I live a celibate life. But that doesn’t change the fact of who I am. I have tried everything under the sun to become straight and nothing has worked. Last year when I was suspected of having IPF is when it hit me that I was 45 years old and still waiting for God to deliver me.

But it was too late, if it was true that I had IPF then I would die in a relatively short period of time and so a relationship would have been out of the question. But when I learned that I only have emphysema and not IPF I learned several things. I learned that one of my biggest fears is dying alone. I learned that I am too old to get married and start a family of my own. Let’s face it, who in their right mind wants a screaming crying infant waking them up in the middle of the night when you’re 46 years old. No thanks. So as far as I’m concerned I’m too old.

I have been through years and years of counseling, one on one counseling as well as group counseling. I have read 100’s of books on coming out of homosexuality and I have done everything that I was told to do. The problem with that is I am still just as gay today as I was when I first realized it.

Let me assure you it is not a choice. I have hated myself my entire life. I still do. I am an abomination to God. Who wants to choose that? Not me. I have attempted to take my life on many occasions most of which my family is unaware of but they are aware of several attempts.

I believed if I tried hard enough, if I prayed hard enough, if I was good enough God would honor all that and make me straight. After all Corinthians says “such ‘were’ some of you” and this is a sticking point between reality and the word of God. I cannot change myself. And God has refused to change me.

This is not a choice. It has been a life of hell living alone. It has been a life of hell keeping my mouth shut. It has been a living hell to hear my loved ones talk about their despise against homosexuals. I always thought if they only knew they would kick me out of the family. Well, you know what, I’m ready for that now.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t care who knows or who doesn’t know. I did not choose this and I am not going to live a double life any longer. It is very hard to live a lie for 46 years. If people wish to disown me then they really never loved me. And it will be their loss not mine. I have been good to my loved ones. When I made money I took care of their needs and desires. When they needed special favors if I was available I never said no. So if they can abandon me now in good conscience then that is their prerogative.

I am not saying that I have never had sex with a woman or a man, because I have. I cannot in all honesty say that I enjoyed my encounters with woman. It has been 13 years since my last relationship with a man. I am not saying that I am going man hunting now either. All I’m saying is I am opening up some closed doors.

I am not asking for anyone’s opinion. I am not asking for anyone’s advice. I am not asking for anyone’s approval. None of this would amount to a hill of beans anyway. I am merely getting a very heavy burden off my chest.

Now the hard part, do I let you read this or not. How do I get it to you? Yes I worry if I’m still going to be loved. Yes I worry if I’m still going to be accepted. But I am not controlled by those emotions any longer. That fear is gone, the Bible says that there is no fear in Love.

The only way I am going to be able to walk closer with God is if I’m honest with Him, with others and with myself. It’s called respect. And I have not respected God enough to do this for Him like He has instructed me to do so many times in the past. I am not changing religions. I am not changing anything. I am only being honest. My only real regret about this whole thing is my fear. I should have done this years ago but I was driven by fear. That is not the case any longer.

And although I said I don’t care who knows. In all reality it is nobody’s business. I would appreciate it if you would not discuss this as a piece of gossip to all your friends. I would rather rumors about me not be spread about. It is only my sexuality that we are talking about here. And you certainly do not go about telling everybody you meet that you are a heterosexual. So I would appreciate it if you didn’t go around telling everybody that I am a homosexual. I think I deserve my privacy as much as the next person.

I am not an out and proud gay. I am not going to change my ways. I am not going to become some drag queen or be transformed into any of your stereotypical molds. I am merely going to stay the same man I have always been. So regarding this matter I have said what I feel that I have needed to. The next decision, however, is yours to make.

Rape is A Way of Life For Darfur’s Women – CNN

Please read this and let it soak into your heart. Please take five minutes to sign the petition to the right of the screen. Please follow the link. It is not a fake petition, it is a letter to Prez Bush and the Secretary General of the UN to act! PLEASE do something to stop these atrocities!!!! I cannot emphasize how important this is to me. PLEASE go and sign the petition. No money required. Just five minutes of your time.

ZAM ZAM DISPLACEMENT CAMP, Sudan (CNN) – Sudan’s Darfur crisis has exploded on many fronts — violence, hunger, displacement and looting — but United Nations peacekeepers say the biggest issue now affecting the region is the systematic rape of women and children.

UNAMID police officer Ajayi Funmi, left, educates Darfur women about rape.

Thousands of women as young as 4 caught in the middle of the struggle between rebel forces and government-backed militias have become victims of rape, they say, with some aid groups claiming that it is being used as a weapon of ethnic cleansing.

“That is one of the biggest issues in Darfur: the rapes, and crimes against women and children,” said Michael Fryer, police commissioner of UNAMID, the United Nations peacekeeping force deployed to try to tackle the violence.

Relief workers say they are powerless to stop the attacks and say that if they do speak out, they fear that the Sudanese government will tell them to leave the country.

Humanitarian group Refugees International said in a report last year that rape was “an integral part of the pattern of violence that the government of Sudan is inflicting upon the targeted ethnic groups in Darfur.”

Some relief workers say that almost every woman living in aid camps has been raped or become a victim of gender-based violence. Many teenagers, while out running errands such as collecting firewood, are raped multiple times by militiamen, the workers say. Watch women face dangers in Darfur »

They say the situation has now become so bad that many women are now resigned to rape as a way of life and men are unwilling to accompany them because they fear that they will be killed if they try to defend them.

But despite the extent of the abuse, the Sudanese government insists there is no problem, adding to the difficulties faced by the victims, who are often ostracized by their communities or fall afoul of a legal system seen as favoring their attackers. iReport.com: Share your photos, videos of Darfur

“There is no rape in Darfur,” said Mohammad Hassan Awad, a Humanitarian Aid Commissioner for West Darfur, who accuses foreign aid workers of persuading people in refugee camps to make false claims.

Although few aid workers dispute the extent of the attacks against women, they say survivors are unwilling to come forward. But those who do reveal shocking levels of abuse.

Don’t Miss

• U.N fund shortfall threatens Darfur aid
• Sudan cuts ties with Chad after attack
• iReport.com: Been to Darfur? Share your photos, videos
• Sudan accused of Darfur cover up

“She said they removed their scarves and used it to tie them up and were taking turns to rape them. One is 13 years old; the other one is 16 years,” Ajayi Funmi of the UNAMID police, who is trying to educate women, said after talking to two girls.

Making matters worse, aid workers say scores of babies conceived through rape are being dumped by their mothers.

“Abandoned babies are reported, but because of the stigma attached to it, there is no detailed report, because the women don’t come forward,” said Dr Naqib Safi of the U.N. children’s body UNICEF

As many as 20 babies a month are being dumped in one camp of 22,000 people.

With U.N. officials calling for more female officers to better educate women against rape and women saying they won’t feel safe until the under-equipped and undermanned United Nations force is strong enough to protect them, the situation shows little sign of improving.

Masturbation Statistics

I received this email from Gay.com I hope they don’t mind that I’m posting it for my blog but I thought it was rather interesting and fun to read. If you have anything interesting or fun to share, please post it.

Startling masturbation survey results!

To celebrate National Masturbation Month in May, Gay.com ran a series
of truly unique and provocative surveys about solo sex.
We got real, asking how you do it, when you do it, where you do it.
Naked or clothed? Lights on or off? Whom do you tell? Ever been
caught?

Just to make it more interesting, we even asked readers to forward
the surveys to their lesbian and straight friends, so they could
answer, too.

Well, the results are in — and all we can say is WOW!

29,341 people took our surveys during the month of May, and the grand
total of answers to our four surveys (with a total of 49 questions
each for gay guys, straight guys, straight girls and lesbians)? A
whopping 338,730.

The results were surprising, to say the least. Some of the more eye-
opening stats:

41 percent of straight men have masturbated in a gym locker room –
while only 34 percent of gay men have.

51 percent of gay men say they masturbate more when they are in a
relationship.

53 percent of gay men say they masturbate once a day.

More straight people (17 percent of men and 15 percent of women) find
masturbation more enjoyable than having sex. In contrast, 8 percent
of gay men and 8 percent of lesbians prefer masturbation to having
sex with a partner.

Women moan: 33 percent of straight women and 34 percent of lesbians
say they’re moaners, opposed to 19 percent of straight men and 16
percent of gay men.

67 percent of straight men and 63 percent of gay men have masturbated
at work. 52 percent of straight women have done the deed on the job –
but only 39 percent of lesbians have.

“Mention a masturbation survey, and everyone giggles at first,” says
Gay.com’s health and fitness editor. “But once people saw that tens
of thousands of others were responding, it really took off.

“When gay men started forwarding these surveys to their straight and
lesbian friends, we were amazed at the momentous response we got –
and the answers were extremely unexpected!”

Father’s Day

15 June 2008

First let me wish all of you fathers out there a very happy Father’s Day. I truly do mean it but it is one of the hardest days of the year for me. I hate Father’s Day, I hate going to church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I find them to be very painful days. Today was no different. I almost lost it in church today. I sat there with tears filling my eyes several times, runny nose, the only thing I didn’t do was actually burst out and outright cry.

I find it to be such a painful day and it gets worse every year. Not so much because of my relationship with my father and mother’s day not so much because of my mother. But the fact remains that it has been my hearts desire my entire life to have children. Now that I am 46 years old I know this will never happen and I find that to be very painful.

I have prayed to become straight every single day of my teen and adult life. I have prayed to get married and have a family of my own. I know I would have been a good father. I helped my sister raise her three kids. I feel jealous of my brother-in-law because now after the hard years he is in the picture and I am pushed aside. I devoted my entire life to raising those kids and what is the thanks I get for it. I feel like they should be my kids I took care of them as babies, infants, toddlers and children. I was there for every single thing that those kids needed and wanted. They went without nothing because I was there. If it had been left to my sister alone to bring up those kids God only knows how they would be today. While I don’t take all the credit I feel I wasted my life bringing them up. I wanted my own.

I still want my own family and so I find Father’s Day a very painful day to experience especially in Church because that is what the topic of the sermon always is about. The church I used to go to on Mother’s Day the Pastor’s wife always gave the sermon. It got to the point that I never went to church on Mother’s Day. Why is it so painful? Because I’m gay and I don’t want to be, I want to be normal and have a normal life and have a normal family. I so dearly wanted children that only God knows how deeply this affects me.

I realized while in church this morning that today I am finally beginning to grieve over my midlife crisis. I think that’s good. Maybe it will be over soon. I knew that grief was something I would have to experience before the midlife crisis disappeared and hopefully this is the last and final stage. It is so hard to accept the fact that I will never have children. I so desperately wanted them, I know I would have been a good father. I wanted to prove that to the world and to myself. I wouldn’t have been a father like my father. I would have encouraged my kids, I would have spent time with them, I would have protected them and the list goes on and on.

So, while I wish all you Father’s a very Happy Father’s Day I sure hope that you all realize that it’s days like today that are painful for single folks. Especially older single folks who missed out on the normal’s of life. My life from childhood up until now has been anything but normal and I have a lot to grieve but the biggest is the fact that I don’t have any kids.

I know I’m whining today and having a pity party, but that’s ok, this is my blog I can do that. Besides, I need to get it off my chest and tell somebody how I really feel. I am hurting, some days are harder than others but none are as hard as Father’s Day. It’s something that I will forever miss out on and it’s something that I so desperately wanted.

The other thing is there is no special day of the year for me. There is a special day of the year for everybody but the single adult. Yet single adults account for about 33% of our population. Of course not all those single folks don’t have children a lot of them are one parent families but there is a good number of them that do not have children. So where is the Single’s Day? Or the Aunt’s Day or the Uncle’s Day? There’s a day for mothers, fathers, & grandparents and it makes me feel like I am not important to society. They couldn’t give a hill of beans about me because I am single. Well, it’s my taxes, which are higher than families taxes, that go to pay for their children to go to school. It’s my taxes that pay for all the benefits that families get from the government but even the government doesn’t appreciate us singles.

I guess this will be another bitching blog. I didn’t mean for it to be. I just wanted to share how painful a day today is for me but I guess I got carried away. This is how I feel so this is what I’m going to post. I just don’t understand why? I didn’t want to be gay. I never did, I still don’t. I wish to God He would have answered my prayers and made me straight so I could have had a family of my own. It’s a bitter sweet time in my life and I just as soon go without the bitterness of loneliness.

So, for now…

Selling Home Part IV

13 June 2008

I think this will be the last in this series. The house is finally sold. It took a lot out of me. It was much harder than I expected and I was very upset about the closing being postponed because I pushed so hard to meet all the requirements on time. But alas, it’s all behind me now.

So, here I sit in my new apartment. I say new apartment but in reality it’s very old. I believe the house is over 100 years old. But it’s new to me. It’s a lot smaller than my house. It’s hard to go from owning your own house to renting an apartment. There’s a huge amount of having to swallow pride and pride doesn’t go down very easy. You gag all while you’re chewing it.

I am just about all unpacked although I still do have a couple of boxes and some bags left to unpack. I have basically been taking it easy because I got the bulk of it done and then we had a heat wave. I tried to buy an a/c but all the stores were sold out so I had to order one online. I ended up getting it at WalMart and it will be delivered to the local store. They will notify me when it’s in which is 7-10 business days and then I can go and pick it up. I tell you never living in an apartment and being on the top floor, man does it get hot up here. I was roasting. Seriously. I bet I lost 10 lbs just from sweating. I do have an a/c in the bedroom to sleep but it’s way too small to cool the apartment and I didn’t want to break it so I just used fans. In the evening I put on the bedroom a/c and then went and sat on my bed and started reading a book. That was the only way I could tolerate those hot evenings and nights. And when I talk about hot, I’m talking temperatures around 100 degrees F give or take a couple and very, very humid. And I honestly believe that the apartment got well above 100F, it’s my guess it was at least 120F up here.

I haven’t watched television in at least five years now, I believe longer but I’m not sure just how long. At any rate I ordered satellite television. I got Christian satellite and it ends up I do not need a dish or cable or anything. It’s new technology called IPTV and it comes in through the computer. You only need 1.5 mb download speed and I have five times the required amount so I should be all set. I need to get a wireless router and then plug a box to the television set and I’m off and running. I got the family package and it is much cheaper than cable or satellite and it is mostly Christian television so I don’t have to worry about getting hooked on any of those garbage shows. I hate watching garbage television. It is addicting when you watch a series because you want to know what happened next but it’s just not worth the hassle so I gave it up. But this way I won’t get the violence and sex which will be very nice. And being in an apartment I have much more time than I did in the house to watch television because I only have to care for such a small place it’s not hard to do. Plus I also have the computer set up behind the sofa so I can watch television while I’m sitting here. So I’m excited about that. I only hope and pray it’s as easy to set up as they claim it to be.

I have been very relentless about getting the word out about the genocide in Darfur and about asking folks to please go to the website and sign the petition. I do not know if I am aggravating people or not, but we seem to not mind passing around dirty jokes and chain letters I thought we could pass around a notice for folks to go and sign the petition. So while I’m getting ready to end this blog. I’m once again going to ask you to please take five minutes of your time and click on the link to the right of this blog and sign the petition. You do not need to give any money, you do not need to be a US Citizen and you will get a response from the White House and the United Nations. So please take the time to follow the link to sign the petition to help stop the genocide that is happening this very moment in Darfur. They truly need our help. Thank you.

So, for now…

Selling Home Part III

05/31/2008

Well, I am off line for a few more days but I decided I would write a blog while some of this stuff is still fresh on my mind. I guess today the category I’m going to select is bitching. Ha, Ha. Anyway, we moved just about everything into the apartment. Believe me this was not an easy move. First and foremost, I went from a single family house {by myself} to a small apartment. However, the apartment does give me access to the hot and stuffy attic. But it is nothing like what I had at the house. I had a full basement and an almost finished off attic. The attic could have been used as a room it was so nice. But anyway, this meant I had to do a lot of downsizing. I tell you this is very hard to do. You don’t realize how much you use things until you decided what you want to keep and what you want to get rid of. And believe me I got rid of a lot of stuff. Back in March I had a bunch of men from church come and empty out my entire basement. I had them throw away everything and I mean everything. The only thing I kept from the basement was my power tools. And the men did a wonderful job. The cellar was cleaner than when I moved in. It was totally empty. It looked really good. Other than that just for example I have gotten rid of a huge television, {I don’t watch TV anyway & I still have another one} I got rid of a huge air conditioner that was almost brand new at 12,000 BTU’s. I got rid of a cappuccino maker, a juicer, I mean you name it there’s something I got rid of. I gave away all my yard tools lawnmower and leaf blower/bagger to name a few things out there. So I really downsized. Now that I am in the apartment, I find I still have too much stuff. I brought a lot of stuff into the attic but I still have plenty more of stuff that I’m just going to have to part with. So, that’s the downsizing complaining.

Then there’s the move. We had to move a weekend early because the closing date on the house was Friday May 30^th. And once you close on a house you have to be out so the only time I could get a crew to move me was the Saturday before. I was having the windows and eves painted by some college kids so I had to stay back at the house while the men brought the stuff here to the apartment. Whenever I took a ride over here and saw what I saw I almost freaked out. It was a total mess. It was definitely overwhelming and I had no idea where I was going to start. Once again Joe got me headed in the right direction. I would be lost without that man. He came over and we brought all known stuff up into the attic. Then from there he rearranged the boxes in the order to which I should unpack them. Don’t forget now I had to stay at the house an extra week, I had an extra six days to live between two houses so there was stuff that had to wait until the last minute. Like the dining room table, two chairs, my computer, the makeshift bed I was sleeping on and a bunch of other miscellaneous stuff. This meant that it was up to me and Joe to move. I am so out of shape with the emphysema and the bad back, yes it’s really a bad back I have two Titanium rods in my back. I am dieing right now. I have been dieing all week. I’m going to have to ask my doctor for cortisone shot because nothing else is helping.

Anyway, the story goes on and on and I am sure I lived through a move just like every other person who has moved. But as an adult this was my very first “real” move. When I was younger and moved to New Hampshire, I just took my clothes with me. I lived with my Aunt & Uncle I didn’t need or have anything else. When I bought the house and moved in, first I took a month or two to prepare the house so I was able to take my time moving. Plus I was 14 years younger. Plus I had nothing. Everything that we moved this time was a whole houseful of stuff that I have acquired over the past 14 years. Like a dining room set, a set of dishes, pots & pans, you name it. I didn’t have anything when I first moved into the house except a bed and my clothes; I think a TV and maybe a few small appliances. That’s it, so that really doesn’t count much as a move. So I am counting this is my first major move. And believe me being a SWM makes it very hard. I had to pack everything by myself, I had no help packing I had my nephew come over to do the attic but he really didn’t empty out the attic. He left a lot of stuff that still had to be moved. He moved two car loads of stuff and that’s it. I’m very grateful, but that’s all the help I had – about two hours worth. All the rest was up to me. And it’s the same with the unpacking. I have nobody to help me unpack. I have to do it all myself. And when you think about it, who can help anyway? They don’t know what I have or where I want to put it. It would be more of a hassle than anything else because they’d constantly be asking me “where do you want this?” etc…

But now for the worst part. Instead of getting into all the details, the closing did not happen yet. It never took place on Friday like it was supposed to. I took my temper out on the paralegal at the Lawyers office. I was not very happy with the realtor. And I let these people know how I felt. I kind of feel bad today I shouldn’t have lost my temper but this leaves me in a very precarious position. I have two houses to watch over, I have to run from one house to the other to make sure stuff is “ok” plus I have to unpack and do some errands. It’s all a nightmare. What flipped my lid, what broke the camels back was when the paralegal asked me for my mortgage account number. Now how am I supposed to know that? And just where am I supposed to get that information? Everything is packed it could be anywhere. She then asked me if I could call the company. I told her no I cannot. If I don’t have the account number what makes her think I have the telephone number. I told her she has all my information, she asked me all kinds of bazaar questions plus for my social security number. I told her you know just as much about me as I do and you have the telephone number you call and find out what the balance is because I’m not doing it. That is your job not mine. And this should have been done weeks ago not on the day of the closing! Oh, I tell you I had had enough and I let her have it. At the end she said, “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what else to say except have a nice day.” And she hung up. I kind of feel bad this morning for going off on her that sure wasn’t very Christian of me. But I only have so much patience and patience is not one of my spiritual gifts.

So now the realtor calls me and asks me to drive to a different city to meet up with her to sign a piece of paper for an extension. She told me the closing will be on Monday. I told her no it won’t be. She then said, Ok, well then it will be on Tuesday. I said no it won’t. She then asked me if I was going out of town. I told her no, but I have plans those three days. Monday I have to go to the hospital, Tuesday I have to go to the hospital and then wait for the telephone company to come in and install my new telephones. And Wednesday I have to work plus the cable for the modem is coming between 1-3 so my only available days next week are Thursday or Friday. She said ok fine, then the closing will be on Thursday. Now I could have made it for Wednesday and not gone to work but I am so pissy that I said no, they can wait for me this time. I did everything I was supposed to do I got it all done on time. I met all the requirements. I passed all the inspections. I gave the buyer everything she asked for; I did not haggle for one thing. Whatever she asked for she got without the batting of an eye. So, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to make them wait a few extra days and work around my schedule now. The closing was supposed to take place on Friday I had plans for the closing on Friday they screwed up now they can wait for me. Once again, the story goes much deeper than this but this is a good enough briefing on what transpired.

The blessing in all this is that I moved into my parent’s apartment. So, this has made things much easier. If it was a regular landlord they would not have been so understanding. I’ve been able to finagle things around and my parents are being very gracious about things.

So the night before last, I laid on my brand new bed for a few minutes at about 6:30 pm and didn’t wake up until 10 pm. I then got up took my medication and went to bed and slept until 4 am. Oh I swear what a nice bed this is. But I haven’t slept on a bed in months. I’ve been sleeping on the floor at the house waiting for the sale to happen. I couldn’t see buying a new bed only to move it. I figured I’d wait and let the store move the bed just once into the apartment. But last night I stayed up until 2 am working on organizing things. And then I decided to put the computer back together. It is what I missed the most. Of course it’s not the same without being online. But like this blog, there’s lots of stuff I can do offline until Wednesday and it’s just nice to see the computer set up.

So there you have part III of my selling home blogs, I don’t know if there will be any more. There might be one more once I have everything where it’s going and all set up and working, but that would be a short blog any way. I find these blogs are just like the way I talk, I just don’t know when to shut up and before I know it I’ve written pages and pages of stuff. LOL. Sorry ‘bout that folks it’s just the way I am. I have the gift of gab. Ha, Ha.

So, for now…