War: for Profit or Peace

04/27/2008

I have to admit that I am guilty of voting for President George W. Bush and I am guilty of supporting our invasion of Iraq. At the time I believed it was the right thing for us to do. With the Twin Towers attack and the War on Terror and Saddam Hussein’s WMD’s and of course UBL on the run I thought the only solution to the whole thing was to invade Iraq and topple the Hussein Regime. I also thought when we went into Afghanistan that we went in there to pull out UBL and bring him to justice so I supported that part of the War on Terror as well.

After all the hype about the WMD’s and Saddam’s defiance started to calm down it was clear that we had false Secret Service information. Our main objective, to me, was to topple Saddam’s Regime and to rid Iraq of WMD’s. I believe that once those two objectives were reached that the war would have ended. We finally captured Saddam brought down his Regime. He went to trial and was hanged for charges unrelated to the War on Terror which he never had a chance to go to court for. And then the discovery that there were not any WMD’s in Iraq it was in my opinion time to pull out and bring our soldiers home.

I never expected the war to last this long and I never expected the amount of casualties and injuries that our soldiers are facing. I also am astonished at the number of Iraqi civilians that have been killed and/or maimed because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It seems to me the longer we stay in Iraq to fight this War on Terror it becomes clearer and clearer that we are there for the Oil and no other reason. I feel that the World was deceived into believing that we were justified by attacking Saddam and bringing down his Regime. It seems to me our objective never really was WMD’s or the Regime but Oil. If the Oil didn’t play a role in this you can be sure that our troops would be home by now. Or worse yet, you can almost be sure that we never would have attacked in the first place.

At any rate it is always easy to play Monday morning quarterbacking especially when you have the amount of years behind the war as we have now accumulated. But it is too late to go back and change what was done. I am not a military analyst so I cannot begin to strategize how best to bring our troops home. But I believe that that should be their main objective at this point. I realize we cannot just pull out because that would leave a vacuum and Iraq would simply collapse in on itself. It has to be done over time but the question is, how much time? Well, I think we’ve had plenty of time but Mr. Bush seems hell bent on staying the long term over there which to me is evidence enough that his main objective is clearly Oil.

Anyway, I said all that to say that I was for the war but I am now against the war and I would like to see our troops beginning to come home. I think we have occupied Iraq long enough. I think Iraq has enough money, with revenues from their oil, to sustain themselves to build a new army and to rebuild their country. I think it is time we left and let them have their country back to do as they see fit. It is after all a sovereign country and we have no business being there any longer.

The sadist casualty to suffer for this war is Darfur, Sudan. With the genocide that is going on in that country I believe it is not only proper but our duty to be over there and fighting that war to help save that country. That is where we are really needed. Darfur’s genocide has been going on for years and it has been totally ignored until now. It is finally coming into the light. The news media is finally picking up on it and we are hearing more and more about the terrible atrocities that are occurring there in that part of the world. In my heart of hearts I have to wonder why we do not pull our troops out of Iraq where we are not only not needed but not wanted and we should be sending our troops to Darfur, Sudan to help save a nation.

It seems to me there is no vested interest in Darfur which is why it has been virtually ignored until now. They have no Oil for us to fight for, they have nothing to offer us so what good reason do we have to interfere with that civil war. No we must stay the course in Iraq because we have an interest in Oil and to hell with the poor people of Darfur. It is time for President Bush and for the UN to come together and draw up a plan and go in there and save Darfur while there are still people alive to save.

To me Darfur is an embarrassment to the USA and to the UN for totally ignoring them while we fight a war primarily for Oil. It shows where our priorities are. We are not fighting a war for peace we are fighting a war for profit. If we were fighting a war for peace we would have been in Darfur a long time ago.

President Bush has just asked for another $172 billion dollars to fund his war in Iraq. I just signed a petition asking that it not be passed and I am going to supply you with a link and ask you to please go and sign the petition. It is time we stop this President from wasting so much money on a war that we are not going to win. The war in Iraq is going to go on for years and years and we cannot afford to keep putting billions of dollars into it when our debt is as high as it is.

To top it all off we are spending so much money per day, that’s per day, on the war in Iraq that we could be pouring that money into Darfur is a total shame to our government. Darfur is the first country in the history of the United States that has been accused of genocide while it is currently going on. All other times it has been declared after the fact. Since President Bush acknowledges that genocide is going on why isn’t he doing something about it?

I do not know the solutions but I am not blind to the problems. And while I cannot claim to know how to do anything about it, something has to be done to pull our troops out of Iraq and something has to be done to stop the genocide in Darfur. And it is up to the USA to do something about this. To stop fighting for profit and fight for peace. It seems to me that our country has this backwards and Bush has his head stuck up his ass.

Please take a few minutes of your time to follow these links and sign these petitions as I believe they are very important to stop the war in Iraq and to stop the Genocide in Darfur.

Petition to President Bush and the UN to stop the genocide in Darfur:

http://action.savedarfur.org/campaign/savedarfurcoalition

Petition to Rep. John Murtha of Congress to stop funding the war in Iraq:

http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/302/t/6080/petition.jsp?petition_KEY=986

So, for now…

Circumcision

23 April 2008

 

This blog is going to be very graphic and I am going to speak very bluntly about circumcision and the penis. So if this is going to offend or bother you please take this as a warning and do not proceed to read any further. But if you care to find out my stand and reason for having the link on my webpage and you are not offended by such a sensitive subject please read on.

 

I am not going to get into the scientific or statistical aspects of circumcision. For that I would recommend you follow the link I provided on the right hand side of this web page and do all your research for facts from there. But I would like to write a short blog on the effects of circumcision from my own personal experience.

 

First of all, I am against circumcision and I am not afraid to say that and offend anybody. I have gotten into several arguments with folks about this, especially folks who use the Bible and religion for their reason for circumcising their children. But instead of saying that I am against circumcision I hope you will note that what I wrote was asking folks to please just inform themselves of the procedure before they make their decision as to whether or not they’re going to circumcise their child.

 

It is quite funny because this morning in my daily reading of the Holy Scripture I came across this verse: 

 

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Behold I, Paul, say to you that if you receive circumcision, Christ will be of no benefit to you. And I testify again to every man who receives circumcision, that he is under obligation to keep the whole Law. You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.” Galatians 5:1-4

 

There are other verses but I thought it was funny that I would read this one this morning when I was thinking about this blog. So the folks that use the Bible as their reason for getting their children circumcised are living under the Old Testament and they are therefore living under the Law and are going to be judged by the law. So using the Bible for your reason to get your child circumcised is not a good enough reason. Except of course if you are Jewish, which the Jewish people are the ONLY religion in the world that requires circumcision. And according to the NOCIRC.ORG website even the Jewish authorities are starting to rethink this practice in light of the new information that they have received regarding circumcision.

 

I am not going to argue for or against circumcision, like I said, I am against it and I will tell you why I am against it. First and foremost I resent my parents very much for mutilating my penis as they did for no good reason. I believe that they should have left my penis in tact and given me the choice when I reached an age of maturity that I could have made the decision for myself. The other reason I resent it is because my real father was not circumcised and the only reason that I am circumcised is because it was my mother who wanted it done because Doctor Spock recommended it. She believed that it was easier for a boy to keep his penis “clean” and therefore she went ahead and made the decision. And I feel that my father should have stepped in and opened his mouth for once and stood up against my mother for my sake. But as usual he coward behind her and let her have her way.

 

At any rate what is done is done, but since I am a gay man I do not have any children of my own but if I did I would not have allowed them to be circumcised and I had made up my mind long before I read all the facts concerning circumcision. I will like to explain why I am against circumcision. It is a personal decision and as I have already stated I believe that it is a right that parents should not have because they are choosing to mutilate their child’s penis without his consent. Now of course there are times when circumcision is medically necessary and of course in those circumstances I fully agree with it. However, I do not agree with the way it is done. I think the way it is performed needs to be re-evaluated and it should be done in such a manner that it causes the least amount of pain to the infant as possible.

 

Ok now for my reason for being against circumcision. It is really a very short explanation and very easy to understand. I was circumcised twice as a child. I was circumcised once as an infant and I was circumcised again around the age of 10 or 11 years old because the skin grew back. While I do not remember the first circumcision I do remember the second one and it was a very painful procedure. One that I will never forget and one I would not make anyone endure unless it was absolutely necessary.

 

Now for the other reason I am against circumcision is because they did not do a good job on circumcising me. Obviously if they did it right the first time I wouldn’t have needed it done a second time. But also now that I have had it done twice they have removed too much skin from my penis. And I find when I get an erection the skin is too tight and it does get painful at times. I cannot masturbate without using a lubricant and even though I am gay as a young man I tried sex with both men and women. With the women in the hopes that it would change my sexual orientation, but it did not. At any rate, I find intercourse with a man and/or a woman to be painful without a lubricant. Once again because when I get an erection the skin on the shaft is too tight.

 

Now as a young man I used to masturbate quite a bit like any young man does but my problem was I was too young to go out and buy a lubricant. Therefore, I often times ripped the skin on my shaft and this of course caused extra pain and then I couldn’t masturbate until the wound healed. It was at this young age that I had made my decision that I was against circumcision.

 

Now that I am older and because I am gay I have been with men who have not been circumcised and there is a great difference in the whole experience. For one, uncircumcised penises look better, they look natural. Next it is much easier for the uncircumcised man to have intercourse without a lubricant because he has the extra skin on his shaft which gives his penis the ability to move back and forth without causing painful friction. And then of course there is the overall feeling of pleasure that is being missed out on because my penis is not covered and the glans is not kept moist by this protection of skin.

 

This about covers what I have to say on the topic. It is my hope that you will become an informed parent before you make your decision as to whether or not you are going to have your child circumcised. I think that if you are well informed you will agree with me that it is not only unnecessary procedure but that it is also a form of mutilating your child for life and it just may cause undue resentment as I have towards my parents because of their decision. And it can go wrong and cause much worse problems than I experience.

 

So please follow the link on the side of my page and read the pamphlets explaining all the medical details and reasons which I did not cover. There are also statistics which I did not quote, as well as links to other sites.

 

So, for now…

Ex-gay…or not?

04/22/2008

 

Once again I must start by saying that I have not done extensive research into this topic. Most of what I am going to write is from personal experience and from my perspective. Ok, lets go back to the beginning, sorry if you find this part boring but I know an awful lot of you do not know the whole story so please bear with me if this seems redundant to you. The first time I left the gay life I was 22 years old. I was convicted at that time that having sex outside of marriage was wrong, whether it be with a man or a woman. I believed that God intended sex for the marriage bed and for no other purpose. So I gave up my sex life. Now I had been involved with both men and women and this is how I knew I was gay. I did not like sex with women, I thought if I had sex with women that gay desires would go away but they didn’t. I would fight with my girlfriends over sex because I hated it, I thought it was gross. And I really wasn’t fulfilled unless I was with a man. So I came to the conclusion that I was totally gay and not bi or just plain old confused.

 

So now here I am at 22 years old and I give up sex totally. I lived for the next seven years without any sexual contact with anybody, male or female. My prayer life was that the Lord take away my desire for men and give me a woman that I would desire so that I could get married and have a family. I wanted desperately to have my own family. I wanted nothing more than to prove to myself and to the world that I could and would be a good father and husband. But God never saw fit to answer my prayers. And to be quite honest with you those seven years went by pretty fast because I got myself very involved with the church and church related things. Plus, I spent most of my spare time with a very good and very close friend. While he did not know I was gay, I was deeply in love with him and I would do anything for him. But I knew if I made a pass at him, I knew if I told him how I felt, I would lose his friendship and so instead of loosing him completely I kept my feelings to myself. I cherished our friendship too much to jeopardize it by a few moments of pleasure that we both would regret. The main reason for my feeling this was is because he was not gay and I knew he was not gay and I knew enough to know that a man does not convert to being gay. You’re either gay or your not. Having gay sex is not going to make you a homosexual any more than having sex with a woman made me a heterosexual.

 

By the time I was 29 years old, it was seven years later. Things began to happen in my life, bad things, things I could not handle. My best friend was getting married, I was so jealous of his girlfriend that I could not learn to like her. I resented her for taking him away from me. Even though we didn’t have a homosexual relationship we did have an exclusive relationship and I felt that she got in between us and I was very jealous of her and couldn’t bring myself to like her. Of course I had to act like everything was fine and I played the role very well but it tore me up on the inside.

 

Then my oldest sister died, she was five years older than me so that put her at the age of 34 years old. She and I had a special relationship a relationship like I’ve never had with anybody else. In our entire lives we only had one argument and that was in our early 20’s. Otherwise, we always got along and would do anything for each other. She became a Jehovah’s Witness and I didn’t approve of that I tried to make her see the errors of her ways but we still remained very, very close. Plus, Diane knew I was gay. She knew I was gay before I knew I was gay. I could tell you lots of stories but I will spare you except one, I never outright told Diane that I am gay but she never outright asked me either. It was just a mutual understanding and when I turned 18 years old she took me to my first gay bar. I didn’t know if I should be happy or insulted I sure was surprised by it was my clue that she not only suspected but she knew.

 

Anyway, I was 29 years old when Diane died. Two weeks after Diane died a very close friend of mine died who happened to only be 29 years old. I was devastated by these two deaths and so close to each other. When I was 29 years old was the worst year of my entire life. I never had such a bad year, each and every month of that year was a disaster or tragedy and that is no exaggeration. From a niece being hit by a truck to my getting into a major car accident to almost losing my other sister to a disease that she had to go through major surgery for. It was all more than I could bear.

 

I got very discouraged with my walk with the Lord and I got very angry with Him. So angry that I rebelled I needed love in my life. I needed to be understood and I needed to be loved and I mean physically not spiritually, or so I thought. I was looking for real tangible experiences to replace all these other real and tangible experiences of tragedy that I was going through. I ended up back into the gay life. I don’t know what happened except I know I answered an ad in the newspaper and it started from there.

 

I hate to admit this but I was a male whore, I went from one man to another. I was never satisfied and as soon as I was finished with one I was looking for Mr. Right. But I never found Mr. Right so I just kept looking and looking for him to no avail. I never practiced safe sex it was my hope and desire to contract HIV/AIDS so that I could die. It was the only method of suicide that I could attempt at that time. But during that whole four or five year episode, God kept me disease free from any STD’s as well as from HIV/AIDS. I don’t know how I got so lucky but the Lord was obviously watching out for me.

 

Then I met him. I met the man who was the perfect man he was who I was looking for and he was who I settled with. We were going to make things work and we were going to live happily ever after. He was 12 years older than me which was something I needed. I needed a man to take charge. He was a runner so he was in excellent shape and he had all the attributes I was looking for and he was nice, kind, soft-spoken and most of all he was a Christian.

 

During this time period I did not give up totally on church I still went to church on occasion and for some reason I stayed in the Word. I continued to read the word almost every single day. I was in such a habit of reading the Word that I never gave that up.

 

My relationship with this man was only three months old. Believe it or not that was a long term relationship for me. Before him I was not with anybody longer than a week. Before him a week was a long term relationship so three months was just amazing to me. But something began to happen and instead of going into all the specifics and details lets just say that the Lord began to work on my heart and convict me of my sin of rebellion. He was calling me back. I did not know what to do. Here I had the perfect man, the man of my dreams, the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And on the other hand I had God calling me out of the relationship. God wanted me all for himself. I was very confused and I went online to look for help.

 

I met a Christian man who had been in a 12 year gay relationship with his lover and he ended the relationship because God called him out of it. The two of us hit it off, he was in a different country so there was nothing to worry about. But he basically took me by the hand and told me exactly what God was telling me so finally one day I broke up with my boyfriend. It was very hard to do and he didn’t make it very easy. For the next five years he kept coming around, buying me gifts you name it he was relentless. But I told him I had to make a choice and that was him or God and I chose God. I told him that no matter how much I loved somebody the only one that was going to own my soul was God.

 

I was 33 years old, that was 13 years ago. I have not been with, nor inappropriately touched another human being since that last day of that relationship. I broke things off and I never turned back, I never looked behind me. Now this was hard, it was one of the hardest things God asked me to do. I gave God one year to make me straight and let me get married but that one year has turned into 13 and I still am not straight but I am still walking with the Lord. Not that I haven’t given the Lord or a few people their money’s worth of hassle because I have. It’s been very hard to stay alone and to stay celibate but I was able to do it through the strength of Jesus Christ. The Bible says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and it also tells me that God will not give me something more than I can bear. And while there are times I feel I cannot bear this burden, He always does seem to come through for me. He pushes the envelope more times than not and we end up arguing and I end up getting mad at God. It’s been a rough 13 years on God. I am not the easiest person to put up with when I get angry but I have to admit I have remained faithful.

 

Anyway, during this time the Lord had blessed me with a Pastor friend who was a tremendous help to me. He also was from another country but we communicated every single day. And there were many days I called him up crying and yelling and having a fit. But he always had something magical and was able to calm me down before the end of the conversation. I depended upon this man so very much. Our friendship lasted about 12 years and I still try to stay in touch with him but I have pushed him once too many times.

 

Well, during these past 13 years I have spent most of it in group therapy for reparative therapy. Now reparative therapy is what they call therapy that is supposed to change a homosexual into a heterosexual. There was all kinds of homework to do, books to read, fellowship, friendship, accountability partners you name it it was all in this group. This group was a small group from the Exodus International Ministries which is the largest ex-gay ministry in the world. I was faithful at going for quite a few years but then I didn’t find it was all that much of a help so I stopped going regularly but I never totally gave it up.

 

Then there was the Christian Psychiatrists that I went to and believe me it is hard to find a Christian Psychiatrist but the ones that I found I went to. I went to each one for at the very least one year, I think more but I’ll go with a year each. One of them was in a few cities away and it took me about 45 minutes to get to his office. There were several times I showed up and he didn’t and I would get very aggravated but none the less I continued to go to him. Then one of them was from my general area and the third one was at the opposite end of Connecticut. So it was a very long ride to get to him. It was such a ride to get to him that we would meet for two hour sessions instead of one hour sessions so that I could get through his program better. It’s important to note that each and every one of the Psychiatrists promised me if I followed their instructions perfectly that I would become heterosexual within the year and I would be married with children. I believed them and this is why I was faithful for going for at the very least three years. But alas, it never happened.

 

There is a ministry online that sells books on the topic of coming out of homosexuality and I have bought and read so many of those books I cannot tell you how many. But I can tell you I tried everything that each of these books said to do and nothing happened.

 

It is very frustrating, irritating and disappointing to put all this work into something and not have any of it work. Not at all. I am just as gay today as I was before I started any of this therapy. If you do a web search for “ex-gay” you will find the majority of links are now for restoring the damage that the ex-gay movement has caused on its members.

 

I don’t know about anybody else, but I always took it out on God. I always blamed God for not healing me. I believed I was doing everything right, I was doing everything I was told to do and yet He was not keeping His end of the bargain. I was very discouraged with God and I believed that the only reason God was not delivering me was because He hated me. That had to be the answer. Maybe all those Christians are right all homosexuals go to hell. We are not only outcasts to the Christian community but outcasts to God Himself.

 

I was so desperate at one point I went to each and every church in my local area and talked to the pastor’s of those churches and asked them to please pray over me to release me from this evil spirit of homosexuality. I believed that I was possessed and the only way I would get delivered was if a pastor performed an exorcist on me. But the only thing that I accomplished from this was that I met a lot of pastors, and I got a lot of prayers. They all told me the same thing, I was not possessed, I did not have a demon. Some of them prayed with me some of them prayed for me but not one of them prayed over me. That was also a very discouraging time.

 

I write all of this not as a confession and not as my testimony because this is a very short version of what really took place. But the reason I wrote all this is because I want to show you that reparative therapy does not work. It did not work on me, I am first hand proof that it does not work. I did not learn how to post a link so at the end of this note there are a couple of links I will try to just put in. One of them is an open letter of apology from the two founders of Exodus International for the damage they have caused to gay men by making the claim that they could deliver them from homosexuality. The funny part is these two men, the co-founders of Exodus International became lovers.

 

I guess my point to this whole thing is to prove to you that I tried, I tried everything to become a straight man. I wanted desperately to get married and have children. I do not know if God made me gay or not. That is a moot issue, what is the issue is God did not deliver me from homosexuality even with all the work I put into it.

 

Around Christmas time this past year 2007, I finally came out to my family and a few close friends. I have denied being gay to myself and to my family. I didn’t accept it and I wasn’t going to admit it. But I finally did. It is time that I accept who I am so I can become one whole man.

 

I know married men with children who go through the Exodus program because they were “changed” and became “heterosexual” yet they still need the support of the group because they still have SSA {Same Sex Attraction}. If they were totally healed I would think that the sexual attraction would also cease.

 

The problem, the issue is not the fact that I am gay. The problem, the issue is what am I going to do with it. And for now I believe the Lord has called me to live a celibate life. I am not sinning, I am not livening in sin, I am not having sex outside of marriage, I simply am a Christian man who happens to be gay. I happen to be attracted towards men instead of women. It is a big part of myself and it is something I need to own but I think owning it it will eventually become a smaller and smaller issue. All these years it’s been a big issue because I was living a lie and I was hiding it from everybody. I had to keep my guard up at all times and that is very, very tiring to do.

 

So, while I have not participated in the gay life for 13 years now I do not consider myself as ex-gay because I am still a gay man. I just do not practice my homosexuality. I do not believe there is such a thing as ex-gay. I do not see how anybody can claim to be ex-gay and I am very discouraged and disappointed that the ex-gay movement has sold the Christian community the garbage that a person can change their orientation and that it’s a choice because neither of those are true. And it only oppresses gays that much further.

 

Well, I have a lot more to say on this topic but I think once again this is an awfully long blog so I will end it there. I did not figure out how to add a link into the note so I’m just going to suggest if you want further reading on the ex-ex-gay movement just do a web search in Google with the word ex-gay and you will be surprised with how many websites you will have to choose from.

 

I also want to give you a link to the apology letter from the two founders of Exodus International just so you can see for yourself that even the founders of this organization do not agree with what they spread as truth.

 

http://www.beyondexgay.com/article/apology

 

PS

            Suicide has also played a very large role in my life with my first attempt in 1979 and my last attempt in 2003.

 

So, for now…

My Midlife Crisis

04/16/2008

 

I have not done any research on men and their midlife crisis so this blog is all just personal experience, feelings and thoughts. It is not to represent any other man. While it may represent others or be similar to others I personally think a midlife crisis is unique to each individual although I’m quite sure there are some common tell tale signs.

 

Now I am not going through the stereotypical midlife crisis where I am getting a divorce for a young babe and going out and buying a fancy sports car, etc., No, what I am talking about is the real inner feelings and turmoil that I am facing. The only thing I can contribute this phase of my life is that I am going through my midlife crisis. I did take several polls on some forums that I belong to and not every man goes through a midlife crisis. It seems the majority of men do but there’s quite a few that do not go through anything, at least nothing that seemed unusual to them.

 

What I am experiencing I have been experiencing for a number of years but it seems to be coming to a head. I am hoping that I am at the end of it and that pretty soon it will start to ease up on me because it truly is a difficult phase to be going through.

 

Of course, we all think that our problems and our experiences are unique to us only and by far the worse or the best than anybody else’s. I am quite sure that there are a lot of men that have had many of the same feelings that I have had. While I feel my situation is unique and it is to the average man, it is not unique to a lot of men either.

 

The first thing for me is that I had to accept the fact that I am gay. This is just so hard to explain to people but trust me it’s the truth. While I have known I am gay since I was a teenager, I have denied that part of myself my entire life. I kept it separate like it wasn’t a part of me it was somebody else. I knew I was gay, I’ve always known I’m gay, but I also never wanted to be gay and so I didn’t accept it.

 

I am at a stage in my life that I have to accept it if I want to become a whole man, a whole human being. I need to collect all my “boxes” that I have kept separate about myself and integrate them so I can become one man instead of many men to many different people. I am tired of playing games and I am tired of living lies so I have decided to just be honest. By being honest I do not have to pretend, I do not have to lie, I do not have to deny any part of myself. I am who I am take it or leave it. Just because I am admitting to these things and just because I am coming to terms with them does not make me a different person. I am still the same person and still have all the same traits, good and bad, I still have the same opinions, good or bad, etc… I just am integrating myself and taking all the boxes I kept separate and creating a whole man in Christ Jesus. I would not be doing this if it were not for serving Jesus. I would not be to the point I am at if I wasn’t following what He was telling me. For years I felt convicted to tell my family that I am gay, for years and years Jesus has been telling me to tell my family but I fought it off. I believed that I am living a celibate life so what difference does it make and I also figured my sexual life was my business, nobody else’s business. But the Lord finally got through to me in the recent past and I decided this time around to be obedient and follow His instructions.

 

The benefit I have found by telling my family and close friends is not that I satisfied their curiosity or that I gave them something to gossip about. But the benefit is for me. It helps me to accept this part of myself. I have to stop lying about it if everybody knows. It is an important part of me and it is something I need to accept and the only way I am going to accept it is to acknowledge it.

 

Being gay is not the only aspect of my crisis but it most certainly is playing a top role in this for me and I have a lot to write about that aspect of it alone. I am thinking that I may have to do this blog in two sections because there is so much that I want to share.

 

One of the ways I denied my homosexuality was that I tried everything known to man to become straight. I have always hated myself for being gay. I hate being gay. I do not want to be gay. I never wanted to be gay. And I tried everything that I could find to make me heterosexual but I tried over my entire life in vain. I am gay and that’s it. The only way my orientation would change is if God waved a magic wand over my head and took away that part of me and with everything I tried, I honestly thought He would, but unfortunately He did not so I have to realize that I am gay and that I will probably always be gay. Being gay really isn’t the problem when it comes to my faith, it is what I do with it that potentially is the problem but I seemed to have that worked out and so I can finally reconcile the two. It took me 27 years to be able to reconcile the two and I am still working at that. Gay Christian just seems like an oxymoron but it cannot be because that is what I am. I am a Christian man who happens to be gay.

 

You might be wondering right now why being gay and saying that I’ve tried to change has to do with my midlife crisis. Very good question. Here’s the answer. You see, I believed with all my heart and soul that God would deliver me. I went to Christian psychiatrists for at least 3 years. I went to support groups for many, many years. I read many, many books on the topic and tried all the various ways I could to become a straight man. The Psychiatrists actually promised me if I followed their way I would be married with children within a year. Yeah, right, like that was going to happen.

 

At any rate I believed with all my heart and soul since God calls homosexuality an abomination and since there are all these claims of men who “were” gay and “became” straight by following certain rituals that God would deliver me if I tried them. For the longest time I felt that God hated me because He never honored any of my efforts. He knew I wanted with all my heart to be married and have children. He knew with all my heart and soul that I did not want to be gay. He knew that with all my heart and soul I hated that part of myself. But none of that mattered to God, He never delivered me with everything that I tried.

 

It wasn’t until this year, at the age of 46, that I am finally becoming accustomed to the fact that I am a gay man. I am learning that God does not necessarily change a gay man and make him a heterosexual. I am learning that I bought into the lies of man. Because man makes homosexuality the worse sin that one can commit they have also made all kinds of lies and rules and regulations to make homosexuals who truly love God believe that God doesn’t love them. How can God love me if I am abominable to Him? Well, that’s all for another blog at another time. But the fact remains that I did not change and I am still as gay today as I was when I first realized it as a teenager even with all the work I put into reparative therapy. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God does indeed love me no matter what man may have to say about it because God told me so. All you have to do is read my blog titled “He Already Knew” and you will see that God does indeed know that I am gay and that God does indeed love me even though I am gay.

 

So this year, realizing that I am 46 years old I finally came to the conclusion that my dreams and hopes and desires are just never going to happen. I am too old to get married and start a family. I have to give up the idea of ever becoming a heterosexual man. This is very hard pill to swallow. It is very hard to have to deal with the fact that your dreams will never come true because of some cosmic reason and not of your own fault. I do not know if God made me gay or not but to me that is irrelevant. The fact is, I am gay and God did not take it away.

 

I have always wanted children. I have wanted a lot of children. I love children. I wanted to prove that I could and would be a good father and husband to somebody. I wanted the opportunity that is promised to every other human being on this earth. God did not make Adam and Steve He made Adam and Eve. This is so easy to say but Christians do not realize how much they hurt people that are homosexual through no choice of their own, and condemn them to hell telling them that God hates them. I finally realize that God does not hate me just because I am gay. I am just coming to terms with that.

 

So I have to give up my dream of ever having a family, I have to face the fact that I am going to grow old and die by myself. Of all things in this world that is the only thing I am afraid of and of all things in this world that is one fact I can be sure that is going to happen because homosexuality is an abomination to God. That is not right nor is it fair, but it is a reality I must face and I want heterosexual folks to realize the torture us folks who struggle with being gay have to go through.

 

I am finally coming to terms with being gay, I am finally coming to terms with giving up my hopes, dreams and desires. It’s been a long hard road to travel and I’ve had to travel most of it alone because there aren’t very many people that can understand what I am going through. That is until I found a website with thousands of gay Christians that are going through the same struggles as me. It is such a good feeling to know I am not alone. It is such a good feeling to know that I am not the only one who struggles with these issues. It feels so good to be able to talk to people that understand me and can give me advice because they have already “been there” and can tell me what to expect and what will happen next. This website has been the biggest blessing in my life it is a real life saver.

 

So for me being gay and going through my midlife crisis is integral they go hand in hand. I am at the age I have to realize my dreams are not going to come true. Therefore, I am at a point in my life that I have to make new dreams and new hopes. Something a lot of men going through their midlife crisis go through only for me it is the “normal” parts of life that are what I have to learn to let go of. I will have to mourn over these losses in order to fully get through this part of the crisis but I am not there just yet.

 

I truly would like to expound on the gay issue of my midlife crisis but I do not know what more to say. So if anyone has any questions to ask now would be a good time. It will give me something to think about and something to add for another blog. So for now I think I will move on to the other aspects of the midlife crisis.

 

I do not think that the rest of the midlife crisis is as much of a crisis as the homosexual part is so I do not think this will be too much longer so I have decided to just continue and make it just one large blog. {if I can get it all to fit}

 

I have to face the fact that I am getting old. I am out of shape and I will never have the same body that I had in my 20’s and 30’s. For me that is very hard to accept. I am disabled and because of the disability and the medication that I take I have gained a lot of weight and I hate it. But it is also a part of me that I have to learn to accept. I never thought that my appearance would ever come into jeopardy but it has. I seem to be much more vain than I thought I was and I do not like having a beer belly especially since I do not drink beer. LOL.

 

Another thing I have to face is the fact that I am losing my house. I am currently in the process of selling my house because of circumstances beyond my control. This was never planned and it comes at a very bad time in my life. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing and that God has bigger and better plans for me in the near future. But for now, I have had to get rid of a lot of my possessions and I have to move into an apartment.

 

The hardest part about losing my home is the fact that I had to give up my dog. First and foremost, she was my roommate and my company. I spend the majority of my time home alone and she was my companion. Second, I loved her so very much it was like giving up a child for adoption. I had her for six years so I was really very attached to her. She never left my side when I was home no matter what room I would be in she would be there with me. But alas, I had to give her up and that is the hardest part about this whole thing. That is the hardest possession that I owned that I had to give up. The rest of the stuff is just things but Sable was my companion.

 

So this next part of my crisis is the fact that my whole life is changing under my feet, right before my very eyes and it is stuff that I do not necessarily like. I feel like I have to give up everything. I do count my blessings in the fact that I have a place to go and live and that I will not be homeless and have to live on the street. But it is not a part of my plan or dreams for my life and it comes at a time when transition is normal for a man of my age.

 

Next, I do not work because I am on disability. It is my hope and dream to get back into the working world. I never thought I’d say that I wanted to go to work, but I do. I miss the interaction with other people and I miss the feeling of being productive and needed. This also is a big part of the crisis. Once my house sells and I move into my apartment I am going to attempt to get back into the back to work program offered by the government just so that I can get a job and get out there and be a productive citizen to society again.

 

Another part of my crisis is the fact that over the years I have become more and more of a recluse. I have hardly no friends. My friends are on the computer for the most part. I do have a few good friends that I see now and again but nothing like a best buddy. Except of course of Joe. Joe is a deacon at church who has taken me under his wing. He helps me out with everything and he comes to visit me and to check on me. I try to do whatever Joe tells me to do. Joe counsels me as well so we are not only good friends but he is also a counselor for me. I have grown to depend on Joe I think a bit too much which is another reason I need to get to work. I need more than just one friend. I cannot put all my investment into one person because I have to realize he has a life of his own.

 

Another aspect of the crisis is that I have to grow up. It is time that I stop making excuses and start taking responsibility for my own actions. While I have been doing this for years there are areas of my life that I do not do this for and it’s time I integrate everything and become one person and one person who is a responsible adult. I want to be the best that I can be and I know that I am not. It is time for me to turn over a new leaf and that has always been very hard to do and now that I am getting older it is even harder to do as I am set in my ways on a lot of things and issues.

 

So there is a lot of change going on in my life. Most of it is accepting and realizing things and parts of myself that I have always denied. Much of it is just the fact that I need to step back and assess things and see what I need to change and attempt to change those things. And of course I need to make some new dreams and plans which seem to be a very hard thing to do. I have no idea what kind of dreams I want now. I have wanted my own family my entire life, how will I ever find something to replace such a dream? I do not know.

 

I think this covers pretty much what I wanted to say about my Midlife Crisis but if I think of a lot more I may add a part two at a later date. In the mean time feel free to leave comments, leave advice, leave questions, give me things to think about and/or to help me out.

 

So, for now…

Do Unto Others

04/12/2008

 

You know I can be a very naïve person there are so many things that I just don’t get and then all of a sudden I realize what it means and I’m like wow all these years I thought it meant that or I never knew that or whatever. I also am very gullible I am easily fooled into believing what somebody is telling me as fact when they are just pulling my leg. And of course there are times they believe what they are saying and so do I only to find out it was wrong information in the first place.

 

Anyway, this “Do unto others” saying is something we grew up with. I have always taken it to mean “Do unto others and they will do unto you.” I thought if I gave you a glass of milk, next time I am thirsty you’ll offer me something to drink. Not a good example but I think it conveys my interpretation.

 

In all reality the saying, without going to look it up is more like this “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” And the key words there are “would have” meaning they aren’t necessarily going to reciprocate the same gesture. This must be where Jesus comes in and says to turn the other cheek. In other words you can be kind to others but don’t be surprised if they slap you in the face and instead of slapping them back we are to still treat them as we would want to be treated.

 

I have kept and lived by the saying “do unto others” my entire life and I always got disappointed when I was treated like shit. It just hit me today that this is what Jesus was talking about. Isn’t that ridicules? It took me 46 years to finally understand this saying. Folks are not going to treat me the way I would want them to but I am to treat them the way I want them to treat me. Wow! That’s powerful.

 

I guess this is where I get the “you reap what you sow” saying wrong as well. I thought if I sowed good seed I would get a crop of good plants in return and yet I always got weeds instead. While I have reaped what I’ve sowed when I have done bad things, I have very rarely reaped any benefits out of the good that I have done. I guess God is saving that for eternity, at least I hope so. I hope I’m not living this way in vain. As Paul so well puts it if Christ were not real, we Christians are to be the most pitied amongst men.

 

I don’t want to get into specifics because I don’t want to hurt any feelings so I will try to say this as tactfully and as discreetly as I can without the person knowing who I’m talking about. Although, if the shoe fits then wear it. But there are quite a lot of folks who treat me like shit and I tend to avoid those people as much as I can. It’s not hard for me to do because I am such a recluse. And when I’m visiting somebody like my parents for example if somebody else comes in I always get up and leave. I do not stick around I disappear as fast as I can. I just cannot handle too many people at one time.

 

Anyway, there are plenty of folks but for today I am hurt by something that somebody said to me. I asked this person to do me a favor and instead of just saying no I got a line of bull. And I know it was a line of bull because this person does this for other folks. I know for a fact. And not only that but this person made a very rude comment about what I asked to make it seem not important. But to me it is important if it weren’t I wouldn’t have asked. And the reason this bothers me so much is because I know for a fact if I was asked I would have done it. Whether or not I wanted to do it because it was something that was very easy and would have only taken five minutes of this person’s time. And to make such a snotty comment really just pisses me off royally. But you know what, like usual I am going to forgive, I never forget, but I will forgive and I will do the same thing again at a later date. I never learn my lesson. I repeatedly do the same thing over and over again with the same people. I tell myself that I will not ask this person in the future but I do. I guess the reason I do is because this person would be the ideal person to do what I’m asking and I always hope they will do what I ask. Even though I should already know the answer why do I get so upset about it?

 

But I always wonder why I get so hurt about such incidents when I know in advance to expect them. Why should I let it bother me? Now I see the answer to my own question. It is because I expected this person to respond the same way I would have and because this person did not respond the same way I would have I get hurt. I remember learning many years ago a saying that I try to live by but it’s a very hard lesson to learn and a very hard statement to keep in practice. “If you don’t have any expectations, you won’t be disappointed.” How true is this? This is my biggest problem I have too many expectations of people. I have a very high standard of expectations from myself and I set that bar high for other folks as well. I have to learn that folks are not going to live up to my expectations. Folks are just human beings and since I do not live up to my own expectations most of the time, why should I expect other’s to do so?

 

I don’t know if what I’m saying makes any sense but it makes a lot of sense to me. It is a real revelation for me. Now if I can just apply it I won’t get so hurt so fast and so easily. The problem is I always want to retaliate and I know the Bible says vengeance belongs to God but I am a very vengeful person. I like to see others pay for their crimes and this is a major fault of mine and often times I take it upon myself to dish out that vengeance. Whether it is in the form of an outright argument or it’s a written letter or it’s ignoring that person and that person really has no clue what they have done because I never have the balls to explain to them that they have just hurt me. I am too hurt to calmly respond. I always react and do not respond and this is something that I have to work on. I have learned this from Joe. I have seen Joe respond in situations that I would have reacted and I would have created a scene whereas Joe handles things calm, cool and collected. I realize that this is what I was taught growing up but at 46 years old I cannot keep using that as an excuse. I need to work at this and change it. So it looks like something else I am going to need to pray about.

Writing

04/09/2008

 

This will more than likely be a rather short blog. I just feel the need to set a few things straight. It seems the more I write and the more I post on bulletin boards the more I get myself into trouble. I am not a very good writer. I write like I talk which is not good because I do not convey what I mean in the written word as well as I do in the spoken word.

 

I went through graduate school and had problems because I always tend to go off on a tangent. I can get way off topic and get everyone including myself very confused at what I am talking about. My grammar skills are very poor as well. While I can do these things I tend to write very fast and I tend to give what I wrote a once look over then I post it. Very rarely do I correct what I have written because I know what I mean I automatically assume the reader knows what I mean.

 

I thank God that I had someone to help me out with my reports for grad school. He would edit my papers for me and tell me where I was going wrong and make me do it over and over again until I finally got it perfect. Nothing but perfect was acceptable. I knew this and I was able to do it after several attempts and with some help. But it didn’t stick with me. I am back to the poor writing again. I put periods and comma’s where they don’t belong and I don’t put them where they do belong. I make run on sentences and I have a lot of hanging participles.

 

I don’t know if I can change my writing style but I will like to try and at least improve upon it. It is frustrating when I get comments or what I said gets taken out of context. But yet I can see how easily that can be done by my poor writing. I think my biggest problem is punctuation. And the worst part of the whole thing is I can be good at it. I am very good at noticing other’s mistakes but I can never seem to see my own.

 

I do also have a bad habit of going off topic when I’m talking too. It seems I’ll end up somewhere that I have no idea what I’m talking about. Neither does the person I’m talking to. Or I switch topics in the middle of a conversation without warning and the person thinks I’m still on the first topic when I have already moved onto the next. I don’t know why this is or what it is called. I don’t know if it is a nerves response because I have a problem communicating with people for fear of saying the wrong things. Or if it is because I talk too fast or maybe my brain goes faster than the words come out. I really don’t know the reason I do it but I would like to try and stop doing it. Especially in this day and age of writing. Writing blogs writing posts and posting them. Like I said at the beginning what I say gets misinterpreted quite often and it gets very frustrating. When the solution is fairly easy if I would just sit back and take a little time and go over what I wrote with a fine tooth comb. I guess that is just being lazy, I don’t know.

 

So if you follow my blogs at all and you find that I have drifted topics you’ll at least know that it is a normal thing for me to do. Also if I’m writing a blog and I get way off topic and forget what I started talking about you can always leave a comment and say Corey you didn’t finish what you started. While I hate criticism, I hate being misinterpreted even more so. So if I ever write something that doesn’t seem to make much sense, please ask me about it. I’m quite sure that I can explain what I was talking about.

 

I like writing blogs and want to continue doing them. I also like posting on forums and want to continue doing that as well. But if I keep going at the rate I’m going I’m going to end up being banned from all the forums I belong to because I seem to always say the wrong things and get people pissed off. I am hoping that by writing blogs it will help improve my writing skills. I have no idea how I managed a 4.0 in grad school with such poor writing skills except for the help of one friend. He was persistent and didn’t take any excuses from me he would make me rewrite and rewrite until my paper was perfect. And I realize that is just something I’m not going to get from anybody just for writing a blog. So I’m going to have to learn to do it myself.

 

I am a very opinionated man and I always have a lot to say about any given subject that I am interested in. So I enjoy writing about things but once again I hate being misquoted or have my words taken out of context. So I am going to have to learn to write better. And as usual it’s late so I’m just going to post this without anything but a quick once over. So hopefully I have written a well blog. I tried to be careful because I knew it was late and I knew I wouldn’t spend the time going over it.

 

So, for now…

Selling Home

04/06/2008

 

Selling Home

 

Well, today I thought I’d write about my experience so far at selling my house. Due to circumstances beyond my control I found myself in a situation that I have to sell my house. I can no longer manage it in various aspects {long story}.

 

The first thing I had to do was swallow my pride and tell somebody. So, I decided to tell Joe I figured if anyone would have a solution Joe would. He came over and went through my house. He told me we can fix it up enough to sell it. So he proceeded to tell me what to do next and when I would finish he would tell me what to do next. Now he has been working along side me but he also is pushing me. If it were not for Joe I’d still be sitting here thinking “OMG I have to sell my house!” but that’s as far as I would have gotten. One of the side effects to severe clinical depression is that you know what needs to be done but you don’t do it unless you’re pushed to do it. Joe kept asking me if he was over stepping his bounds. He kept saying if he was to tell him to back off and he will. I told him no, what he was doing was exactly what I needed. I needed somebody to take control because I felt like I lost all control.

 

Well, the first and hardest thing I had to do was to get rid of Sable. Now Sable is a Huge Pure Breed German Shephard weighing in at about 120 lbs and she was not fat. She was just huge. But I had her for six years, she was my partner, my roommate, my best friend, my company and my companion. There was no way I could put her down just so that I could sell my house and move. So I asked Fran if she could help me and she did. She told me about an adoption agency. I called the agency and they came and inspected and tested Sable and she passed the exam as well as the obedience test so they took her. I am not supposed to know this, but I do know that she has already been adopted too. This makes me feel good, I know she’s in a good home and being well taken care of.

 

Now, once I got rid of Sable the work began. Joe came over and we started our plan. His first plan was for me to clean up the house. He helped me to wash down the cupboards and he helped me with other things. He kept calling me and coming over and checking on me to make sure I was making progress. Once all that was finished he was very pleased with the way things looked and said the house was presentable and ready to sell. But I wanted to empty out the cellar first. So I rented a dumpster and Joe got a crew of men from church together and they threw everything in the cellar into the dumpster. The cellar is cleaner than it was when I bought the house. They not only threw everything away but they also vacuumed and swept up all the loose paint and dirt. A job that was just impossible for me to do was done for me.

 

Now I am ready to call a realtor. Joe had a name of a realtor so I called her. She made an appointment to meet with me and I told Joe. He offered to be here in the meeting if I wanted him to be. I was so relieved there just aren’t words to express how relieved I was. I said yes, I would love it if you would come to the meeting. I do not know the first thing of what I am doing. So he came over and sat in on the meeting. Then he asked some questions. One of his questions was is the house presentable for showing. The realtor said not really. She said it needed a “woman’s touch” and she suggested that I hire a cleaning woman to come in and really give the house a good lick and a promise. Once again Joe came to my rescue as he knew a lady who did just that. So he asked her and she agreed to come over and clean the house for me. She took two days but she did such a good job that I am afraid to touch anything.

 

She liked the house so much that she went home and told her sister all about it. I got a telephone call the next day wondering if she could bring her sister over to have a look at the house. I said sure that would be fine with me so they came and I showed the lady the house. She was real excited about the house and seemed genuinely interested in the house and asked for the realtor’s name and how to get in contact with her. So I gave her all the information she needed. Well, on that Friday the house was shown back to back to two people one of whom was this lady I showed the house to.

 

Then I got a telephone call and it was the realtor telling me that I had a bid on the house already and she wanted to know what my counter offer was. So, I played this game for a few rounds then I told the realtor that I thought haggling was rude so I made an offer and told the realtor to say that is my final offer. Which the lady accepted. So, the house is already sold. It only took two weeks and two showings to sell the house. I asked the realtor how come and she said because I did everything she told me to do.

 

So anyway now my job is to pack. I have so much stuff to pack that this is taking me forever to get anything done. It is harder than I thought I keep running out of breath. I have so many CD’s and so many DVD’s that it took three boxes just for them. Now I’ve been packing books and I still have one bookcase left to pack then the books will be all packed. All the house looks like now is just a bunch of boxes. The scenery around here is getting awfully boring with all these boxes to look at.

 

Joe has been such a help to me. He has done so many things and has done so much and I have called him so many times and he has come over so many times that there’s just no words to describe it all. I cannot believe how good this man is being to me. I cannot believe that there is actually somebody in this world willing to help me like this man is doing. And to be honest I want to pay him back but there’s just no way I can repay him for all he is doing for me.

 

Not only is he helping me with the house but he also is counseling me. He is literally counseling me one hour a week. Our relationship has gone from counseling to friendship and now it’s both counseling and friendship. He is just an amazing man.

 

Well, I think I wrote a lot and this is the short version. There are so many details that I have left out. I could write a book on all that has been going on. But again, I know if it were not for Joe I’d still be sitting here thinking that I have to sell my house. But because he has been so willing to take charge the house is now sold. The closing is scheduled for May 1^st so that really doesn’t give me much time to pack. I am packing as much as I can a day and it doesn’t seem like much but today I was looking around and it seems I really do have a lot of stuff packed. There’s still a long way to go but I am making progress. And to top it all off I weighed myself and I lost 10 lbs!! Wow! I was real excited about that and I can’t wait to tell Joe.

 

So, that is me for now. I know I will have more to write about selling the house about packing and about moving. All this is going to give me plenty to blog about. Until then…

My Name

04/02/2008 

 

Today’s blog is going to step on some people’s toes, it’s going to hurt some feelings but it’s something I wish to write about. That being my name.

Let’s start at the beginning. I am a single twin. There were supposed to be two of us and our names were going to be Neil & Teal. However, my twin did not live so I am a single twin. My mother didn’t know what to name me so she picked my name out of the TV Guide. I honestly don’t know which name is worse, Corey or Teal, but either way I got stuck with Corey.

Growing up I hated my name. I always swore if I had a son I would never have a Junior because I wouldn’t do that to my son. I went through hell all through my school years because of my name. Kids always picked on me, made fun of me, did things to me, said things to and about me that were just plain mean, spiteful and hurtful. Like I chose my name. If I knew then what I know now, I would have adopted my middle name but I did not know you could do that so I grew up with the name Corey and it was awful.

Once I got out of high school and I started working I began to like my name. It was unusual and I didn’t need a last name because I was always the only Corey around. People, older people, liked my name and I got a lot of affirmation from these adults that I actually began to like my name. It was nice to have an odd name. It was nice to be the only Corey working at a place.

Back in 1985 I bought a Monte Carlo SS, this car was loaded and it had a T-roof which is a roof that comes off so it was like a convertible. It had dark windows and it was just a cool car. It is the best car I have ever owned. Anyway, when I bought this car it was just too nice to have regular license plates so I decided I was going to get vanity plates. Problem being, I had no idea what I wanted my plates to say since we are only allowed six characters my choices were limited. One of my friends suggested using Mr. Corey because that is what a lot of my friends called me. I liked the idea but it was one letter too many. So, I dropped the “e” and I applied for MRCORY vanity plates and I got them. It has now been 22 years that I have had these license plates. It’s nice to have vanity plates. People make all kinds of comments and a lot of times I do not even have to say who I am because the people know when they see my car coming along.

I liked Mr. Corey so much that I now drive a black Monte Carlo SS and I had put my name on the driver door in gold script. I know it’s a bit eccentric but it looks nice. It’s unusual and again I get a lot of comments about it. And of course not very many people put their name on their car so it stands out and I like that.

Now to the problem. My name is Corey. It is a short, easy name. It’s an easy name to remember and an easy name to say. Like I said a lot of my friends call me Mr. Corey and when I was going to the Assembly of God I was known as Uncle Corey buy all the kids. I do not see the problem with saying my whole name.

A few people have taken the liberty to shorten my name and they call me Core. Diane was one of them. It is really very few people that call me Core I probably could list them on one hand. I never say anything but it really bothers me I find it very annoying that people cannot say my full name. If you think about it Core goes with an apple, or with the center of the earth. For a while sometimes I would sign things as “Core, the center of it all.” Trying to get folks to see how ridicules Core is.

I guess one of the reasons it bothers me so much is because unless it totally insults the person and I always make sure to ask, I prefer to call them by their full name. Like my friend David. He signs everything Dave he refers to himself as Dave everybody calls him Dave everyone that is except for me I call him David. Now if I am introduced to somebody with a shortened name, that is generally the name I will call them. Like my step mother’s name was Dorothy but I was introduced to her has Dotty and she made sure to tell me never call her anything but Dotty. Ok, I can live with that. But I think it is quite rude when somebody is introduced to you with one name and you take on the liberty to shorten that name and/or start giving that person a nickname without that person’s permission. I guess it’s just a pet peeve of mine.

So if you’re one of those people that call me Core, I guess that’s ok, I’m kind of used to it. But I prefer anybody that meets me and most others to call me by my full name which is Corey. I do not see why it needs to be shortened. It is only one letter.

So there you have it, my latest blog. It’s funny because it is just a pet peeve yet it means enough to me to write about it. I realize it’s a silly thing to bitch about but I take it as an insult when somebody cannot say my full name. It’s like they are being lazy or I’m not worth their breath. I also realize there are a lot of other names that I can be called that are much worse and to be honest, I’ve been called them all and it doesn’t bother me. So no matter what you call me go ahead and keep using that name. I don’t care but I just had to let everybody know this is how I feel about it.

Pretty petty stuff, but I’m still going to post it. LOL!!